invis | ic contact

I haven't wanked to anyone.

[And then, almost as an afterthought:]

And I don't want to know if you have.

[ wow way to ruin the party man. ]

So how's space going for you.

[ he has opinions on space; this is more an introduction to him ranting about it than actually caring what you think. sorry, simon. ]

I'm going to try to join the flight crew. I'm going to go for it.

[Simon sounds a little excited. Now might be a good time for wanking.]

What department are you in?

[ flight crew......... ]

Yeah, good luck with that. The lady in charge of it has loads of cats, man, I think she's a bit nuts.

[ or she didn't like his sexy jokes, so clearly she's nuts. ]

And I'm almost in medical. Sort of. If I can be bothered to show up for the lessons I'm in medical, but that's mostly just so I can clone some drugs.

Because having cats makes her nuts?

[Simon's pretty sure that whoever's in charge of medical must be a bit nuts.]

You should join the flight crew. You could be my wingman.

I thought I already was your wingman.

[ seriously, he's hurt. ]

But seriously, if anybody's the wingman here, it's clearly you.

I meant literally. In flight formation, you'd be positioned behind and outside me.

Positioned behind you and outside of you.

Are you trying to tell me something, Barry.

You should consider it seriously.

[Wait, did he forget who he was talking to here.]

Are you sure you wouldn't rather I was behind you and inside of you.

[ can you see the eyebrows waggling despite the lack of visual, because they're there. ]

I'd rather be probed by the woman with tentacles.

Now you're just being mean.

Did I mention her tentacles have a girth of roughly, say, a foot or so.

[ or something. he can't remember how big, he just remembers they're big. ]

I miss Kelly.

[Mostly because she'd be putting Nathan in his place right now.]

Curtis. Alisha...

I wonder why they weren't chosen.

[ ouch. he misses them too, actually, but he'd rather not dwell on it, you pussy. so yes, let's go with the chosen thing instead. ]

Maybe it's something to do with populating distant planets. That's a thing in your shitty films, isn't it?

Because I'm not being funny, but if we've been chosen for anything, producing semen seems to be the likely bet. We haven't exactly got many life skills.

You think our purpose here is to impregnate alien females.

[Actually, Simon could live with that.]

Well I certainly hope it is. We can't possibly be here to fight, this ship is ninety percent useless shitheads.

[ this is the closest he has come to serious thought about why they're on this ship. ]

If we do have to fight, I'll fight with you.

[It'll be okay Nathan.]

[ oh awkward, that's actually endearing. he sounds mildly reluctant. ]

Thanks, man.

But when you say fight, do you mean you'll go invisible and fucking cheese it? Because no offense, but that hasn't really been a very effective tactic so far.

[ more on stride with the last bit. ]

I'll cheese it as a last resort.

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